Am I Broken?

I can be physically attracted to you but literally have no physical reactions. I can be emotionally connected to you and also just want to sit next to you and draw you a picture. So, am I broken? #relationship #couple #marriage #longterm #sex #sexuality #sexual #confused #wondering #questioning #research #researching

In each relationship I’ve had there comes the honeymoon phase where I am so physically attracted to them all the time. Then, there comes a time when I go flat but still love them completely. This is usually where problems arise and they either think I don’t love them or find someone else.

There comes a time when this conversation comes up, “Why don’t you want to hold my hand all the time”? Now it is I am denying displays of affection because I don’t always feel connected.That does not mean I don’t love them, it just means I value personal space. Is that wrong?

So, have been doing research on myself since I have the time. I remember growing up I always felt like such a weird kid. I didn’t really understand men AT ALL and had a million female friends. I actually really LOVED my female friends and didn’t want to date men because had no idea how they worked. Then, I got older and started to find men with personalities. Then, I go back and forth.

I decided to take a quiz and this is what came out,

Demisexuality (definition): demisexuality is the sexual attraction of a person who does not experience primary, physical or sexual attraction until the person has a deep emotional connection to another person. Demisexuals only experience secondary attraction and will only be sexually attracted to people they find emotionally attractive.

This is what my boyfriend talks about alot. Remember to give back the fondness and admiration. But doesn’t that also mean saying thank you for being nice to me, thank you for setting up the DVD player, thank you for buying groceries, wow thank you for working so hard for us, thank you for always being here for me?

Why do I have to wink back at him to let him know I still show love? I can appreciate you without being the typical romance story. There needs to be more movies made about long term difficult love, not this fussy mussy love story where they fond all over eachother all day. That’s never been what I know of love. When you are going to be with someone for 50 years, you find love in so many different types of ways.

For me sometimes showing I love you means I go buy you a coffee or do things for you I would not do otherwise. I show love every day, the other day I got a cleaning service because I felt bad for not being able to clean as much while pregnant. That showed alot of love on my part I’d say.

Like asexuals, demisexuals often don’t have sex due to the lack of attraction towards other people. But some demisexuals genuinely enjoy having sex with people they love because they have a strong emotional bond with them. Demisexuals are not sexually attracted to strangers but only to people they feel connected with. The sexual attraction towards someone develops slowly when they get to know them and start bonding with them.

That’s the weird thing though, I am literally sexually attracted to most of the population within my range of physical likes. But, if I am with them and they wink at me, I might not feel anything if I am feeling disconnected. Once we have a discussion and they buy me a cup of coffee then I open up.

Am I just too closed off, or do I not know how to show the proper affection?